Blue

by Diane Zhou and Jenny Han, graduating in '22

January 27, 2021

"Kensho" by Angelina Ochoa, Canyon Crest Academy '22

CW: domestic abuse

Drifting off, I am abandoned in a world of blue Freedom reaches her hand out, promising me a new era Liberty continues the same farce But reaching for their hands, I grasp nothingness I am drowning and the blue floods me with shame With the grumbling of my children’s stomachs, the lingering stench of bloodshed, the yelling of my husband, the alcohol on his breath, the bruises on my cheek. With a paralyzing fear How will I stop what comes next? I thought I was a woman, a sister, a wife, a mother But I am a coward. No, not even worthy of being called a coward Life is a void, excruciating and eradicating. I wonder and I wander, lost like a compass without its true north When did it become about the machines and the riches and the cheering of the masses? The world told me no, a woman is not worthy And he told me no, I was nothing, every night he came home from hell The wind asked me where I was going I told him, I don’t know The wind asked me who I was I asked him, why do you care? Does my one protest make me a sinner? Or does my very birth make me a sinner? I can only hear the cries and the curses and the screams I let the blue consume me But when I finally wake up, All that’s waiting for me is that relentless world of blue