Letters

by Megan Apostol, Canyon Crest Academy '23

January 20, 2021

Untitled artwork by Michelle Sze, Del Norte High School '21

Lovedgirl: Start. Sanguine. Lovedgirl is standing in a church in her imagination. Marrying the boy she is writing to. Revising another letter. Again. “My Dearest _______,” A rainbow Faintly appears in the distance. -real love Starboy: Writing the letter, his eyes run over the curves of her body, sitting on his desk. Obsessively. Hope reflects off his eyes as he counts his lucky stars for a touch. But no shooting stars. Sitting above the clouds, his worn-out heart curses the galaxy. Complaints. And without warning, the galaxy drops him into Oceanboy, to be wringed out for a wish. by Lovedgirl, “Please wait, keep holding on.” Updated Reference Points: ​

Close to the feeling of: Distance: 5 billion light years. Postal service time: 81,000 years. Amount of patience and strength: just not enough. ​

“Dear Lovedgirl, I love you so much. So much… I think about you every day and wish I could be holding you right now. Our distance is killing me. I don’t know if it’s the overwhelming amount of time that I have to myself to just think, all day or… Anyway, I promise to always love and support you forever. I can’t wait to see you. I hope you know that I’m doing everything to stay strong for you. P.S. I have never received a response from you, so I hope you are doing well. Much Love, Starboy” His motive screams selfishness as he sinks into Oceanboy. Feeling for the first time, the tide tickles his skin, rushing up and down anxiously, an instantaneous remedy. His search for reciprocation is fueled by the craving for what he gave to Lovedgirl for so long. Without a break for air, the salt of possession intensifies the gash of regret on his chest from the fall. Imitating an uncomfortable gasp. To hide his shame. Mind manipulation fools with doubt, slowly molded into acceptance. Bleeding tears. Then, Realizing. Finally. He had missed out. Now at home. And soon enough, his mouth replicates an audible, “Thanks for waiting, keep holding on.” -misinterpreted infatuation ​

Oceanboy: Writing the letter, he shelters fallen stars. Mimicking throbbing passion. Wishing to be more than just a rest stop. He jumps up and down, rolling as close to Him as he can, just for the moon to reel him back in. Lovedgirl sits right next to Him now. Updated Reference Points: ​

Distance: painfully close. Postal service time: n/a, letters are never sent. Amount of patience: Overload Amount of strength: a hopeless, overwhelming amount.

“My Lovedgirl,

I hope you know that it’s you I’m looking at. [Of course] I really do love you. [But…] I wish I could caress you, [openly, without scorching and raging publicity] ...oh never mind. To wash away confusion, I want you to know how I truly feel. When I look at you, into your eyes, I can see life’s beauty. I know you probably don’t notice me with all your fans, but [*sigh*]

I wish I could crush her assumptions. Yours, Oceanboy” His body soaks the letter by mistake. Smears the address. Something’s off. His heart erases “Lovedgirl.” She’s his shelter, that should be wishing to be more than a rest stop But she sees: Life’s beauty in his eyes He can’t bring himself to transfer the pain. -excruciating misinterpretation Rosemaryboy: Writing the letter, he flaunts in Oceanboy’s mind as “Him.” Sitting next to her. Concentrating on her wishes. Too. Trapped. Tied down by packed sand. Looking up, he soaks up freedom’s tease: The Wind. The tangling clouds. He. *Sigh* He runs his legs through Rosemaryboy’s flowers and leaves. Stripping off his clothes. Briefly. Just to get what He needs. Looking at her, eager for a snap back to satisfy everyone’s expectations. But, it feels so right. Even though, He’s only a filling sample for a void, and Nothing more. Updated Reference Points: ​

Distance: suffocatingly close. Postal service time: less than a second. Amount of patience and strength: just enough to keep looking up and to think about being up. ​

“Lovedgirl, You mean everything to me. I care about you so much, but-- …” She shoves her response letter down his throat before he can finish his draft. -stinging timing ​ Beeboy: Writing the letter, erratically. “Write letter,” inscribed below all priorities, getting too comfortable on the to-do list. Buzzing above, staring in their dreams, both Lovedgirl and Rosemaryboy’s. He does not want to be in any of theirs. Though. He pays for his life by throwing out cheap pleasures. Masochistically sick. Shimmering mask. He continues to give everything. To all of them. Wishing he could stay. But, Commitment slips away. Every time. Updated Reference Points: ​

Distance: fluctuating with the progress of his decision. Postal service time: fluctuating with distance. Amount of patience and strength: a stinging value. ​

“To do: - - - - -Write Letter to Lovedgirl” He just wants something to stay for, Something exotically different. Something the other bees would sting him to death for. -uncomfortable routine Bearboy: Writing the letter, rugged and burly. A body of an animal. A sexual object. Fawning eyes blur his vision. It is the dream life, supposedly Maybe he should put the pencil down because there really is no way against gravity. Why isn’t it turning on, he thinks anxiously. The girls wait. Patience ringing in his mind. Updated Reference Points: ​

Distance: around the block. Postal service time: n/a. Amount of patience and strength: not as much as what appears to be. ​

“Hi Lovedgirl, Let’s do it tonight, I’m ready. I love you baby. I just want you and me. Forever. No pulling out. Bearboy” He puts the letter into her mailbox. Immediately, running. Ardently, but goal-less. Looking up at love. Enthralling infinity. Open possibility. Starboy. Lovedgirl thinks that she found it all. That societal culture is finally matching the one Bearboy is running to. Presently, Lovedgirl is spending tonight doing what she’s best at, With expectancy, but not for this time. -a body cage Lovedgirl: End. Sapped. Lovedgirl is lying in a church, in front of her family and friends. Marrying her memories. Her letters, waiting to be revised. Again. “Forever prone, Lovedgirl” Through the stained glass panes of the church, A resplendent rainbow beaming in. (Of course, her favorite) -if she were a boy Starboy, Oceanboy, Rosemaryboy, Beeboy, and Bearboy write their letters. Hexagon to Pentagon. ​