She was the Reason

by Michelle Sze, Del Norte High School '21

October 28, 2020

"The Adjustments We'd All Like to Make" by Michelle Sze, Del Norte High School '21

I was introduced to her at school through an upperclassman.

We weren’t close but we waved in the halls.

Freshman year passed by, high school didn’t seem as hard as everyone said it’d be.

I didn’t see her all summer but Sophomore year she caught my eye.

She seemed smart as she took the same advanced classes as I was.

She called me one night I was preparing for a few tests for the next day

I was stressed and stayed up late with her studying.

The next day she walked into class and sat next to me during the test.

I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t understand the question. I couldn’t give an answer.

An hour passed in a second and time was up.

The class started to discuss about the test.

She turned to me and said it was really easy.

I had to agree as such as the norm.

But I had struggled.

I continued to stay up night after night studying, taking notes, solving math problems.

I no longer had time to go out, I was always at home, talking to her.

It has been seven months since school started.

I survived in a somnolent mode, never able to sleep.

Everything hurt all the time.

I lost all my friends.

I never thought I’d end up like this.

She stuck with me through it all and continues while I plummet downhill.

My grades are slipping, despite my intense effort.

I’ve aged ten years in nine months.

I look like I’ve just woken up at any time of day.

My parents decided it was time to send me to the doctors.

Worried about the thirty pounds I had lost.

There was no life left in me.

I didn’t want to go, I screamed, sobbed, shoved, then fainted.

I came to a realization.

She was in my head, she wasn’t there for me.

She had clung on to me and wouldn’t let go.

I woke up in the hospital.

They took some tests and let me go.

There was nothing wrong with me.

When I got home, a pile of homework due tomorrow welcomed me.

It was two in the morning, I wasn’t done.

An hour passed, I was still up.

Three minutes later I felt her presence.

My head started to pound, it pounded out of my mind.

Everything blurred, my thoughts and reasoning blurred.

My eyes turned to faucets that wouldn’t turn off.

I grabbed my head, it was too painful.

My mind went blank

I wasn’t in control anymore.

She took over.

She consumed me.

She was the reason that I now lay still.